Table of contents
Being made for each other, finding one’s other half, having the feeling, like meets like are all expressions widely used in the English language to talk about love stories. But how do you go about finding the right person? What criteria need to be taken into account to ensure that the couple can blossom serenely?
In this post, I invite you to discover the secrets of successful compatibility, to decipher the signs that, beyond shared attraction, will lead you down the path to longevity in love.
Understanding the difference between attraction and compatibility
This is the fundamental point. Let me explain. Attraction is the first step in forming a relationship with someone – the first step only, because it’s not the goal. It’s what’s commonly known as love at first sight, a lightning bolt between two individuals passing through physical pleasure, carnal pleasure and emotional pleasure. But attraction, however strong, has little to do with compatibility, which is deeper, more deeply rooted. It’s about sharing a vision of life, having common values, feeling happy to be together, to avoid making compromises and trade-offs that become untenable over time.
For example, if a woman loves air travel and the man is a homebody, the latter will be obliged to restrict herself, which will no doubt be easy at first, but in the long run will plunge the couple into an impasse. Clearly, if attraction is immediate, incompatibility takes longer to reveal itself.
Conversely, there can be no love compatibility without this primordial attraction. To sum up, I suggest you remember the following three agreements: attraction plus compatibility = possibility of a love story, attraction without compatibility = more or less long-term suffering, and finally, if there is no attraction, but compatibility or connivance, then we should speak of friendship and not a couple.
The art of living together
The main thing that binds a couple together is a common project (starting a family, renovating a property, taking a long-haul trip…), one for which each of them is capable of working hard and facing difficulties. To evolve, a couple must not turn in on itself. We can each keep our own personal garden, with activities we prefer to do alone, for example. These breaths of fresh air help to maintain long-term compatibility.
Finally, life isn’t always smooth sailing, and neither are relationships. A recent study showed that arguing is preferable to not arguing at all. Why, because the latter allows you to assert your values, and also because human beings tend to ignore a person they don’t feel close to. Arguments are therefore proof that you care about your partner, but the trick is to know how to reconcile and ensure that they don’t become a way of life for the couple.
Astrology for love compatibility
Among the human sciences, astrology is a technical and complex tool based on the trajectories of the planets. These mathematical calculations use the stars to determine what influences human behavior. Unlike psychics, astrologers are not gifted; they don’t give clairvoyant predictions on a specific subject, but they do deliver forecasts.
According to astrologers, the signs of the zodiac may or may not be compatible with each other. By knowing your partner’s astrological sign, you can lay the foundations for knowing whether your relationship is likely to last. I’m sure you’ll find plenty of sites on the Internet that can tell you whether Mr. Lion and Mrs. Taurus are a good match.
Numerology, the math of love compatibility
Numerology can help you determine the tendencies of a love relationship using numbers. Sarah Joanna Dennis, considered the founder of modern Western numerology, published a book in 1905 on the theory of vibrations, based on the numerical interpretation of the date of birth.
According to her, our lives are organized in 9-year cycles, with each year corresponding to a number. To determine your life path, add up the day of birth, the month of birth and the year of birth. For example, if you were born on May 27, 1988, the sum would be 27 + 5 (5ᵉ months of the year) + 1988 = 2020. Then, if you take 2020 apart, the result is 2+0+2+0 = 4. 4 is therefore the number of your life path. Then proceed in the same way with your partner’s date of birth. Finally, you can visit numerology websites to find out which life paths are compatible.
The ultimate test
In 1997, Arthur Aron, a specialist in love relationships, drew up a 36-question test to establish the love between two people. While it’s clear that love can’t be found by ticking boxes, this seemingly innocuous questionnaire helps to get a relationship off to a thoughtful start, by creating a space of trust in which everyone feels free to discuss intimate issues. It also helps you to get to know each other better and faster. It’s not a miracle cure, but it’s important to understand that the more a couple has in common, the more likely they are to build a united family and spend time together without deep-seated crisis.
Personality tests, love quizzes, love astrology, numerology – none of these can predict the outcome of a budding love relationship, and a couple, even a solid one, can run out of steam in the face of life’s difficulties, even when they have as much in common as possible.
To make a couple, you need to have the will to face difficulties, the will to want to solve them. Despite passion, trust and plans, the personal evolution of individuals can become problematic when feelings accumulate and interfere with the pleasure of being together. If, in the end, what makes a couple tick and why it lasts is a mystery, I don’t think we should lose sight of the fact that loving is a daily task that demands special attention from partners if they are to continue to share quality moments and enjoy life together.