Table of contents
- 1. The one who kicks your seat
- 2. The one who doesn’t know how to put his suitcase away
- 3. The one who takes your seat for his own
- 4. The one who is restless and can’t sit still
- 5. The one who reclines his seat too much
- 6. The one with the music blasting through his headphones
- 7. The one who smells bad (and takes off his shoes)
- 8. The one who clutches the armrest
- 9. The one who has small children and doesn’t care about anything!
- 10. Whoever uses your storage for their suitcase!
- Bottom line
Traveling is your hobby: going to the end of the world, discovering other countries and cultures. But flying can quickly turn into a nightmare. “Hell is other people”, especially in the sky, at an altitude of 10,000 meters. You have already met a few specimens in the check-in line. But the worst is yet to come. Here are the top 10 airplane asshole behaviors that will ruin your flight.
1. The one who kicks your seat
This is THE most dreaded behavior when flying: the passenger behind you who hammers your seat with his sole. Like Lionel Messi, he’ll kick your seat back at every change of position. Your hernia? He doesn’t care. Turbulence? No, he’s the one who unfolded his legs again. His repeated kicks will severely test your patience, and make you want to throw him out the window.
2. The one who doesn’t know how to put his suitcase away
A great classic of airline flights: the passenger who puts his suitcases at the beginning of the rows when he is placed further back. Just like the one who has ten times too much luggage. The result: they block the boarding process by creating a traffic jam. And above all, it clutters and occupies all the storage space. Packing your carry-on luggage is like a game of Koh-Lanta combined with a game of Tetris. You already hate this traveler.
3. The one who takes your seat for his own
When you finally get to your seat, another passenger is already comfortably seated. Because he misread his ticket. And has taken your seat when he should be sitting 8 rows higher. Between the pushing and shoving and the banging of suitcases, you’ll have to explain his mistake.
With a little luck, he should move quickly. But if he’s deaf, stubborn, or prefers your seat to his own, you’ll have to stand in the middle of the aisle and be pushed around.
4. The one who is restless and can’t sit still
He needs to go to the bathroom. He needs to talk to the stewardess. In 15 minutes, your seatmate has already gotten up three times. You had to pack up your laptop and all your stuff on your lap to let him through. Of course, he is on the window side and you are on the aisle side, otherwise it wouldn’t be funny. At the fourth table readout, you offer him to switch seats. Answer: “Oh no, I prefer to see the view, it calms me down”. The bronze medal asshole.
5. The one who reclines his seat too much
From the start, you saw it coming. As soon as he sat down in front of you, he tested the maximum inclination of his backrest: how far could he go? In your chin or in your lap? That you can’t unfold your tablet is the least of his worries. As a good rude man, he doesn’t give a damn about your comfort. Apart from the take-off and landing phases, he will spend 80% of his time lying down. Why? Because he can. And that’s despite all your complaints.
6. The one with the music blasting through his headphones
He’s sitting next to you, headphones on, music blasting. He moves his head in rhythm. The icing on the cake, he sings in yoghurt. Or he’s watching a movie at maximum volume. Of course, he took the trouble to put on headphones. But these 8 hours on board a long-haul plane will be unbearable: impossible to sleep or to concentrate on your reading.
Your eardrums will bleed. But don’t worry, there are worse things! The one who plays little games with horrible sounds on his console. The solution? After taking off, take this gum out of your mouth and stick it in your ears.
7. The one who smells bad (and takes off his shoes)
Lucky you! Given the location of your seat, you escaped the smell of the toilet. But that was without counting on the smell of the other passengers. And clearly, your neighbor had a stressful airport experience. With the smell of sweat so strong, he did a CrossFit session and skipped the shower.
Better yet, his feet stink and he decided to take off his shoes (and socks) for comfort. Aware of the stench, he doused himself with cologne or some heady perfume to cover it up. Look on the bright side, you’ll learn to breathe through your mouth until the first stopover.
8. The one who clutches the armrest
He’s decided: the armrest is his territory! Clinging like a mussel to his rock, he has made it clear that he is not going to share it. You thought you would work on your laptop during the flight? Then you have 2 solutions: in warrior mode, you play elbows to win back your space. Or, you give up and type on your keyboard, elbows folded along your body like two chicken wings.
9. The one who has small children and doesn’t care about anything!
A baby in a sling and under 3 year olds jumping on the seats in the waiting room: you prayed inwardly not to be seated next to them in the machine. Because parents with young children remain the bête noire of all other passengers. Crying, running in the aisle, screaming, going back and forth incessantly: your trip will not be easy. Did you know that some parents, out of laziness to go to the changing table, prefer to change their toddlers directly on their tablet? Feel like throwing up? Grab the paper bag in front of you.
10. Whoever uses your storage for their suitcase!
What goes through the minds of passengers who are in seat 20A and put their suitcases in the lockers at the front of the plane? I have experienced this twice!!! I was in seat 5A, and a passenger at the back of the plane had put his suitcase in my compartment (bad luck I had seen him do it), so I took out his valid suitcase and put it on the ground, he made a fuss and the cabin crew asked him to leave the plane!
As you can see, the asshole in the airplane does exist and can be present at all stages of your trip and turn your flight into a nightmare. The charms of life in a group are inescapable, unless you have your own private jet.